Long Distance Relationships

Posted on November 12, 2014 Comments

Long Distance Relationships are one of the most commonly criticized relationships in the world, people can be in relationships where they are abused, unhappy, not in love; and they are seen as better off than those in a long distance relationship. Why?

I’m in a long distance relationship, on April 2, 2015 we will have been together three (3) years, as of yesterday we have known one another for three (3) years; and guess what we are not any less real than anyone else in any other kind of relationship. We do the same things every other couple out there does, just because we don’t physically get to be together every day in no way makes our love any less real than anyone else. I recently got dragged down about my relationship by people around me because “it’s not real”, “the guy is never here, how can you be together”, “why would being apart make you happy”, and on and on. I even got criticized for not knowing after three (3) years exactly what he makes, and all I could do is sit and wonder why in the hell how much money someone makes even matters and why it was supposedly more important to know because of the type of relationship I am in. Since starting school this semester and being around more people than in any of my previous classes more often I have been asked or told some of the most ridiculous things, such as these:

  • Why would you want to be apart all the time?
  • Why doesn’t he just move here?
  • Oh so you’re not in a real relationship.
  • So he probably just cheats on you.
  • Why don’t you make him marry you and move here?
  • So you’re not really dating, you just talk online.

These are all very ridiculous questions. Not only are they offensive and derogatory towards the person you’re asking, what the hell business does anyone else who has never been in this situation have telling me what is real or not real.

You want to know what people are going to say to those things? Probably this:

  • We don’t want to be apart all the time, but right now the situation makes it necessary and at the end of the day when we are together we will be stronger for the time we had to endure apart.
  • He doesn’t move here because he is in school, and like my future and education his is important too. (This one kills me, because usually it is followed by someone explaining how my education is more important or some other nonsense. When both our futures and careers are equally important.)
  • Yes I fucking am. Distance apart does not make a relationship real or not real, I love him here, I love him there, I love him everywhere. Love knows no bounds.
  • No, some people don’t even understand people in long distance relationships spend more time talking and knowing where the other is than some married couples. And we have more trust, I trust him to the moon and back, that doesn’t mean I trust other women, but I know he wouldn’t ever act on them trying to get with him.
  • This usually gets a look from me like they are absolutely insane, because that is what these people are. I was given a two (2) step plan to force a guy to marry me. Step 1 – Withhold sex, Step 2 – Tell him it’s been too long marriage or out. Are you women absolutely mad? Someone should marry you because they want to, they should propose because they want to and love you, not because you’re making them. As much as I would absolutely love to be engaged to him right now, I want him to want that too, I want him to want to put that ring on my finger to ask me to be his forever.
  • No. We talk all the time, even people limited to snail mail talk, and see each other in pictures and videos sent to one another. People who automatically assume long distance means internet dating grate my nerves a lot.

Does anyone want to know the best thing about a long distance relationship? Good, because you’re hearing it anyways; trust. You don’t fall in love with someone based on their looks, or a superficial front, you fall in love with their personality, their honesty, and you have an immeasurable amount of trust. More than some couples have in marriages of over twenty (20) years. The entire relationship is based off of trust and a deep understanding of one another, in this way really long distance relationships are better than close ones. Because at the end of the day you don’t wonder if they’re cheating all the time, you don’t worry if they don’t reply immediately to you, because you end up knowing that apart or not they love you. I’m not saying this is some gold standard or rings true for everyone, but if you ask someone in a long distance relationship the good parts; despite it seeming like there are none, I guarantee trust always makes the list.

Long distance isn’t easy, it isn’t fun most the time, and it can wear both of you thin to breaking points if things get rough, but the thing is love is a journey, and the destination forever. And if you find someone worth taking that journey with it does not matter where they are, how many miles are between you, or how far you both have to go to change that number to 0. What matters is the way they make you smile, the craving to hold their hand, the absolute joy to be with them when they visit. The fact you can sit in a room in silence, and feel at peace and happy.

It has been almost three (3) years now, they have not been perfect or flawless years either, there have been fights, crying, messy situations, and general hopelessness before. Just as in a relationship together, we miss one another, we get lonely for one another. But at the end of the day while I would probably change some things that have happened, would I ever go back and not do it? No, I would every time, because I fell in love with him and he is wonderful to me, and our love is wonderful. Situations can suck, but the feelings you have for someone, those don’t; those feelings are why even when the situation sucks, you stay and you persevere through the distance. You get past the bad and you revel in the good, and every moment apart makes every single moment together more precious than any other couple who has not been in a long distance relationship could ever understand.

For everyone in a long distance relationship stay strong, because at the end of the day what you’re going through now will prove worth it. If you love one another, then you can do anything – together.

Comments

  1. I’m also in a long distance relationship and going through the stress of planning a wedding in another country and dealing with visa applications. But going through that with my SO despite being in different places is worth it in the end. Thank you for a very encouraging post. Good luck to you and your SO’s future together!

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