Monthly archives: February 2016

Relationships aren’t easy…

Posted on February 19, 2016 Comments

Bottom line is, couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don’t let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time if it’s right and they’re real lucky. One of them will say something. – Dr. Cox, Scrubs

Relationships aren’t easy, and honestly they aren’t meant to be if having a solid, stable, and long lasting relationship was easy then everyone would be in one and be overjoyed all the time. But they’re not – relationships are work, and the only time they work is when two people care enough to stand up and fight for that relationship, because they care that much about each other.

Two people in a relationship have to put in work everyday to make that relationship last, and when they don’t then it often just falls apart; sometimes they may notice it, whether or not one or the other of them does anything to stop it from crumbling when they notice it is what shows you whether or not they care. There will be fights, there will be tears, pain, scars, and issues; there is no magical person you’re meant to be with you choose who that person is and you fight for them, every single time. Through every fight and every bad moment you still love them and inside you have a desire to be with them and to make your relationship grow stronger rather than weaker, you love them enough to wade through anything the world throws at you and come out the other side still holding each others hands and ready to face the next step in your journey together.

Some people don’t understand this, and they judge relationships, based on the circumstances surrounding them, the people involved in them, or just the small glimpses of the relationship they see. The thing is though you can never judge someone else’s relationship, because you don’t ever truly have any idea what is going on within it, you can never tell if two people are truly happy together when you only get to see a glimpse of the bigger picture. When you judge someone or their relationship you have to remember you’re usually judging it by this small stress filled window that they allow you to see, because when things are going well in someones relationship they often don’t say a word to anyone about it. You don’t get to see those hours they spend with someone lying in bed cuddled together talking, those moments taking a long walk and holding hands planning the future, the nights they’ve spent huddled together watching a movie, the sandcastle they built at the beach, the hours they’ve spent playing games together, the smiles they share, the gentle caress while holding hands, the happiness and love. What you get to see is the moments when they feel like giving up, the struggles, the fights, the times they turn to someone other than their significant other; because their significant other has upset them. The small, stress filled windows that you get to glimpse through and see that sliver of a relationship in, are not something you can judge the entire relationship off of…but it happens, all the time.

I’m in a relationship now that has had so many ups and downs that most people would have thrown the towel in long ago and walked away from, not bothering to continue to struggle through long distance, and the personal issues within. But the fact is, I love him so incredibly much, and while people have gotten in our way and caused issues in our relationship, the two people causing the most issues and in our way the most…were ourselves. It’s taken us a long time to really honestly see that and to come to terms with it, and even discuss it, but at the end of the day it’s all worth it every bad moment, every painful memory, ever scar that we will slowly work to heal. They are all worth every moment we get together, every smile we share, and every bit of the happiness I feel now, that I’ve been missing for a long time. That we both were, because we both were getting in our own way and in doing so being hurtful to one another, causing our own relationship to begin to crumble.

When I entered into a long distance relationship people asked me, “Why bother with someone who you’ll never see, and who can cheat if they want?” This is honestly the query I still get most often when people ask about my relationship and it’s probably the most cynical and annoying to have to hear, two people can overcome distance, stay faithful, be happy, and have a wonderful healthy relationship even if they have to be apart. Does it take more work? Yes. Does it take more communication? Of course. Does it take more honesty and openness? Definitely! But at the end of the day it is just as worthwhile and meaningful as any relationship I could have with someone living in the same city as me, going to the same school, or working in the same field. In a lot of ways I feel like this relationship has been better for me and we have formed a stronger bond than others do because on top of every other bit of crap we have had to wade through we have also been apart on top of it. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s not ever going to be just simple and easy. Couples will fight, they will struggle, they will make mistakes, they will cry, hold each other, and hopefully forgive and come out stronger on the other end. Because relationships aren’t easy, but at the end of the day, if you truly love someone, they are worth it.